Heavy

I thought it was what I wanted.... But what I wanted more than anything was to feel secure. What I wanted was the feeling like a hot bed on a cold day Or the splash of water on a hot one. Refreshing and fresh. I didn't realize I was comparing it to something that wasn't permanent. I didn't realize I was living in the mind of a fairy tale princess.

So I wasn't a princess. There's no frog to kiss and make all of my burden lay down. There wasn't a picture painted with love. This was moving like video but there was no rewind and no fast forward.

I couldn't skip the ugliness, bitterness, the truth when it hurt. And it didn't mean a damn thing to me anymore that I'd hurt everyone or every chance. And I was meant to bow, ME the person that I am?

It wasn't like I couldn't feel it burning me to be resistant. But the burning became my only comfort in the confusion of what wasn't anymore. Scared of the scars that could be and were. Scared and angry and downright pissed. So I relent you can have her. All that was and all that is everyone.

She can no longer be trusted with my lying eyes that told her forever. The touch of my skin that promised warmth. Or a feeling of good faith that was never granted. In all truth I know you get what you put in. My roots are ripped to shreds and exposed open to criticism. And you criticise with your chastising mind you the collective.

You the few. Lesser in power to the world view. Heavy is the crown that covers the eyes. Blind to all even within. Raunchy reckless and reclused. Strained from the self abuse.

Did I really want it really? That was the real question. I don't feel like I have an answer anymore. I guess that's why I'm not knocking at your door.

Image Credit: Lissia Phillips