Catfish Journal

Updated on 10/1/18

Most of us have seen the show Catfish and some of us have our own experiences. I am one of the unfortunate few. I'm sure I've been catfished multiple times, because I was literally always in Some online chatroom. but one in particular was emotionally daunting. "So what's the story?" We'll get there. First I want to say I know why it happens: self esteem. And before you mob crowd them listen to this logic: if we weren't a harsh society this would only happen in criminal situations. Anyway there are many forms of catfishing. Some are subtle like names, weight, overall attitude. Others are pretty extreme IE: fake identities. The moral, well, we'll get to that later too because now I have a story to tell: When I was still in confused straight land I came across a girl. To protect her identity I will call her Stud Muffin. She was a very smooth talker. Sexy (we did video chat) and just a Stud Muffin (mmm mmm good). I was in Love. I found her on IMVU. Yeah. I know. Lammmeee. (What is IMVU? Here's a link: Https://www.imvu.com) So I literally fell head over hills for her. My first official girlfriend was digital and pocket sized. Yay. We texted, chatted and conversed for Hours. The only issue was distance. I had no vehicle and no way to arrange a proper meeting. She only lived an hour or so away... And had a car. But also MANY excuses. In the end it felt like she was toying with me. I found out eventually she was still dating her "ex". And also shacked up with a guy and got pregnant. I accepted it ALL. Wanted a family. Forgave her and we started anew. But still there was no effort on her part to see me. So yeah I know I was stupid. But I was in love. Smh. Love is Blind. So this is several break ups and zero fights later. Because we Never really fought. We talked. And that's what hurt the most: losing someone who felt perfect for me. But in the end I think there is a lesson to be learned (yes! the lesson!): DON'T Catfish! It's rude. And keep your eyes open. Not everyone believes in being themselves. Anyway this cupcake is studmuffin free (aww) and I hope my next love adventure is just as loving with a lot less fucking drama. Time will tell. Class dismissed. Cupcake Out!

Updated text: I didn't realize that she was being sincere. I was so caught up in the claims from those around me that I never stopped to consider that she could really and truly be honest about a lot of what she told me. Though it wasn't all truthful most of it was and I realized I demonized her in an effort to stop loving her. I had never felt for anyone the way I had with her. I felt complete in her energy and then I was free to be my True self.A lesbian. An open and honest with myself for the very first time even though I was gay gay every day in my mind, lesbian. Where there was Tara, my beloved childhood friend and the first girl I kissed. And the memories of friends who shared kisses because "I can trust you were friends and I've never been kissed." Or that One next door neighbor that snuggled me So close. Too close for my fragile sexuality and so I pushed her away instead of Finally embracing myself. So this woman... this woman was a big thing for me. Naturally I couldn't understand how someone could open me so much but then seperate themselves from me so completely. Madenning. Regardless we are who we are for the reasons that we are. I had to edit this and add this after my most recent conversation with her because I flt like if I was going to tell the truth I'd say it with no prejudice. So there you have it! My update. For those of you who may wonder how this story ends. I'm not sure... the work is still in proress.